| well last night was crazy..
and yet i still dont remember half of it..
most of the people there got on my nerves anyways
but i tried to make the best out of a bad situation
by drinking more...
weeeeee
but the whole time i missed melissa...
sorry gurl..
wont happen agian...
promise
:) | comments: Leave a comment   |
| YEAH YEAH YEAH
AUTUMN IS BACK
MY LIFE IS NOW COMPLETE
:) HEHE
SERIOUSLY
i know it was only a week...
but still
and now i am sitting here with autumn and melissa haveing... fun
:)
and on another note
i really feel bad for people who have to lie
and make shit up
cause she thinks she is going to "make friends"
when it only makes people think worse of her
its really just sad...
yeah "i'm going to go and say that i slept with a guy from a band...
and then make up some guy and tell everyone how much sex we have... yeah then everyone will love me..."
no now we just think your a whore...stupid
i love autumn..
peace out :) | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| weeeeee
last night was fun
me, melissa, and autumn had a "fun time"
my new favorite drink is now smirnoff green apple!!!!
can you say yummy
i love josh forever
you dont even know....
and unfortunately i completely embarrassed myself... in my drunken confussion...
"hey sexy"
hehehe
P.S. enough with the dirty looks RACHEL AND FRIENDS
Peace Out autumn and melissa :) | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| sooo...
today started out like shit
i was bitched and then called a lier
i really just wish matt would grow the balls and tell HER the truth.. i mean thats the least he can do for her
right...
he really isnt the guy i thought he was
he is a fuckin coward
and now that he knows he's fucked up
and i'm pissed at him
he wont even look at me
he really needs to grow up
and learn that if your going to act like a man
talk like a man
walk like a man
you need to actually be one
and fucking take responsibilty for what you've done
he is nothing but a little boy
in a big mans outfit
and what sucks even worse is the fact that if he tried to get with me after all this...
i would probly go back..
why the fuck to i still like him
after all this
why
i just want to thank autumn, melissa, and allison for helping me through this... i really did need it
i love you guys
poor sam... i'm talking to him and he's on a pay phone and he's stuck at walmart
dont worry sam i love you | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | today | | Time: | 03:39 pm |
|
| today wasnt bad at all
me and autumn...
hung out all day
7
fucking 7
hell yeah...7
i love it
we ate soo much food
hehe
its unbeleivably
IT WAS AWSOME | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| i fell sooo unbelivably dirty
its not even funny
i dot know why did that
why in the fuck did i get myself into all this shit..
i knew it would turn out bad
but i didnt realize i would fell this dirty
everything i stood agianst
everything i hated
i have become
and now the guy i truely thought was a nice guy
and someone i thought was a genuenly good guy
is not
at the begining of the year i was in love with him...
and all i wanted was to be with him
physicly and emtionaly
and then he started dating her
and then cheats on her with me
over and over agian
and i really begin to like him again
and then i realize he'll never leave her
and as long as i let him
he will keep useing me
and i just let
i cant say no
i hate that
i feel sooo dirty | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | today | | Time: | 08:02 am |
|
| right now
i am sitting in the OSHS libary
with pretty autumn
PRETTY AUTUMN
PRETTY AUTUMN
it sucks ass
we were going to skip
and go smoke a cig
but guess what
NO FUCKING LITTER
omg
wtf
omg omg omg
i miss sam
i havent seen him since he has been back
:( | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| i'm scared
i'm scared of life
of living
i'm scared that if i keep going on the way that i am that i will end up like the rest of my family
dead or miserably
i want to make something of my self
i want to be happy in my own skin
i want jon back
i miss him
why did he have to move
why did he have to leave me
i want him to be her
to comfort me
i cant believe i told him to stop calling
i told him it was hard for me to talk to him cause i missed him sooo much... i told him it would be easier for me to get over him if he didnt call so much...but now that i need him i dont have him to talk to... and it sucks
i have no one to talk to
i'm scared for holly
i know what she is going through
and it sucks
i know how i felt when it first happened to me
and it is one of the worst pains i ever felt
she is such a good person and she deserves to be happy
she is one of the only people who will listen to me bitch without judging
and will give me advice that comes from her heart
she is a good person
and a good soul
i wish i could help
but in those kinds of situation there is nothing you can say
i just hope i can be there for her as she has been for me | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Dassboard Confessional (emo) | | Subject: | today | | Time: | 09:08 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/angry.gif) bitchy |
|
| omg my mother has gone insane...
the other day i came home from the tanning bed and all my clothes (including underwear) was all on the front lawn! i was like WTF!!! she said it was because i didnt clean my room before going out in the truck...and since that since that was the rule she had just had "enough"..
What the Hell... she had been threating to do that but i never thought she was serious...
i am sooo tried of their crap
my dad has had enough and is threating to leave (again) but i know that this is just like all the others... he will go somewhere.. come back the next day and decide that since he cant afford to leave on his own that he will stay...
and of course i mom will blame me
just like she has every other time he has left
since the 4th grade my mom has been blaming me for everytime they have fought and every time he has left
i'm over it
i want to move back in with my grandma..
but i dont want to go to moist point schools so i guess i'm stuck!
and what also sucks is the guy i have the biggest crush on likes so stupid skinny bitch who doesnt deserve him
he is way to good for her
and how do i know he likes her
because
the little things he does to her
the way he follows her around
and the little jokes he makes to her
he used to do to me... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| today and everyday before it has seem to suck!
i've lost two of my bestfriends because of a guy who lies,
and my mom is being a complete bitch...
no matter what i do i cant seem to please her...
no matter how hard i try to help around the house, i try to be nice to her, i do better at school and not start any fights with her she is still treating me like shit!
and she wont stay out of my life
everytime i talk on the phone she has to know who it is, what we are talking about, every time i am online line its the same thing. everypiece of paper i write on she wants to know what is about.
she is soooo noisie!!!
she even wants to know the gossip that goes on between my freinds and i and everytime i am madd at someone she wants the whole story.
she really needs to get her head out of MY ass and let me live my own life and quit try to live her's trough me.
i mean really she wants me to be just like her (an unhappy bitch who yells and scream everytime things dont go just her way)
she wants me to play sports.. just like she did
she wants me to be "involved" in school activities.. just like her
she wants me to look like she did
and act like she did
and hang out with people she would hang out with people she would of hung out with
I AM NOT MY MOTHER AND I WILL NEVER BE MY MOTHER | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | slipknot | | Subject: | OVER IT | | Time: | 12:30 am | | Current Mood: | annoyed |
|
| i am so over stressing about this whole ben and mallory thing...
WHAT THE FUCK
FUCK HER
if she wants to choose some ASSHOLE over me thats fine
WHATEVER
thats just fine
oviously our friendship means nothing to her
and the fact that she knows me better than just about anyone
and SHOULD KNOW that i would NEVER do that
and for her to even think that i would even do that really....
just hurts
and i cant even belive that she would even have the nerve to ask if i could cover for her
i should of said no
i should of been like you shouldnt be staying with him no fuck off
but no being the push over that i am i said sure whatever
why cant i tell her how i really feel
that she is fucked up
and that i dont even know who she is anymore
and i sertainly dont like who she has become
(someone who chooses a guy over her friends...)
and her and her asshole boyfriend deserve each other
why do i still care
i dont even know
she is the only person that has stuck by me
no matter what i've done
and now that she THINKS she is in love
she doesnt need me...
WHATEVER | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| i want to start over
i want a new life
i want to be able to be proud of myself
but i guess everything i've been through has taught me something and i dont regret most of it but i do wish that i didnt do some of those things | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Dont you hate it when everything is going great and you cant stop smiling, you and your friends are all getting along and having fun on the weekends, theres not to much drama... and then everything just seems to fuck up...
well thats what happened to me...
life was good and now my "bestfreind" has chosen and guy over me, and actually belives that i would try and "hook up" with her boyfiend... yeah i do hook up sometimes but i would never try anything with a friends guy. EVER. epecially not Mallory's and for her to even think that i would really hurts. and her boyfriend is a lying sack of shit!! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I have a crush...
[and no it's not Will, ovisouly he doesnt like me so I have to get over him, yeah I do still like him but I'm not going to chase after him for nothing, so ohh well}
but anyways,
"I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
"
-Hosbastank, The Reason
Everytime I see him I get all geeddie inside. I cant stop smiling. All I ever wanna do is cuddle with him and hug him and love on him.
He makes me want to drop everything I did in my past. Ever mistake I've made. Forget ever guy I ever "hooked" up with, [one in pertickular] Take back everything. Start all over. I like him soooooo much. All I wanna do is spend time with him. :) | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I'M SO TIRED OF THIS SHIT
I'M SO TIRED OF EVERYTHING
-I'M TIRED OF PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE AND TELLING "YOU" HOW I FEEL AND GETTING NOHTHING BUT MIXED SIGNLES, AND WHAT SUCKS IS THAT I REALLY DO LIKE "YOU" AND NOW I ONLY RELIZED THAT "YOU" OFFICIOUSLY DONT LIKE ME. AND I'M TIRED OF WORRYING ABOUT IT. TIRED OF THINKING ABOUT "YOU".... SO THATS IT.
-I'M TIRE OF BEING THAT CHICK THAT EVERYONE HOOKS UP WITH AND USES FOR SEX... OR WHATEVER ELSE THEY GET OUT OF IT. I'M TIRED OF BEING "THAT GURL" YOU CAN JUST FUCK WITH AT A PARTY AND THINK NOTHING ABOUT IT. I WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE.
SOMEONE WHO I CAN LOVE AND WHO WILL LOVE ME BACK.
AND I AM SOOOOO RETARDED CAUSE I HAVE SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME.WHO CARES FOR ME. BUT I TO STUPID TO REALIZE THAT DAVID DOES LOVE ME. BUT I PUSH HIM AWAY AND ONE DAY HE WONT BE HERE. I'LL MISS DAVID WHEN HE LEAVES FOR COLLAGE. AND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THIS I STILL TREAT HIM LIKE SHIT... SO MABYE WHEN HE LEAVES IT WILL HURT LESS. BUT ITS HURTS SO BAD RIGHT NOW. I DONT WANT TO NEED A MAN IN MY LIFE TO BE HAPPY BUT I DO. AND HE JUST ALLWAYS SEEMS TO BE THERE WHEN I NEED ATTENTION AND CARE. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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